Not to Worry...

RT @xsimplyquotes Oh no, don't worry about me. It's not like I have feelings or anything.




Love always to the late Ronnie James Dio, a man with much honor and class.

Ain't Found A Way to Kill Me Yet

Rooster


Ain't found a way to kill me yet


Eyes burn with stinging sweat


Seems every path leads me to nowhere



Wife and kids household pet


Army green was no safe bet


The bullets scream to me from somewhere



Here they come to snuff the rooster, aww yeah, hey yeah


Yeah here come the rooster, yeah


You know he ain't gonna die


No, no, no, ya know he ain't gonna die (x2)



Walkin' tall machine gun man


They spit on me in my home land


Gloria sent me pictures of my boy



Got my pills 'gainst mosquito death


My Buddy's breathin' his dyin' breath


Oh god please won't you help me make it through



Here they come to snuff the rooster, aww yeah


Yeah here come the rooster, yeah


You know he ain't gonna die


No, no, no ya know he ain't gonna die




More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/alice_in_chains/#share


Written by Jerry Cantrell, in honor of his father who served in Viet Nam. Read here for the story behind the song.

For my own part I was thinking of all the people in my history who have wanted to destroy me, either because I didn't belong to their narrow view of what people "should" be like, or because I had something they wanted and they couldn't stand it. Well, you fuckers ain't found a way to kill me yet. Maybe you should have done it right the first time, because a wounded animal is dangerous. Karma is a bitch and one day you'll get yours for the wrong that you did me.

Regarding Borderline Personality Disorder

Here is an article about borderline personality disorder which may help some of you understand why I am the way I am.

Nobody understands that for me its torture every day of my life not to be earning my keep in some sort of creative fashion. However at least my job allows enough "down time" that I can write while I'm at work most of the time. My mother, for instance, scoffs at this and believes that it's okay to confine one's creativity to a hobby. She doesn't understand my "obsession."

 I am not saying that this is an explanation for any of the spiritual stuff which happened to me. I am simply saying that I took on far too tough an assignment, so to speak, for someone with my fragile psyche. 

I believe that the spirit person with whom I feel I had contact also suffered from this disorder among other issues. I still feel a companionable sympathy for him, but I am not willing to discuss my experience in dealing with him any more. I am only now beginning to recover from the verbal and psychic assaults that I endured because of this revelation. I do not regret meeting him and I no longer regret writing the book, although it will never again be made available by me. I do, however, regret making myself as vulnerable as I did. I may one day open my blog to comments again, but that time is not now.

As well, the people who pushed me so much that I stopped writing didn't "get" what they were doing to me. If one is very sensitive, it may not make sense, but if you keep pushing at them you destroy who they are. So for those who did this to me (I don't think I still have any of those frenemies on my roster) thanks a lot. Every time one has to deal with such people it makes it a little harder to trust.

I'm done ranting about this at length, but for those people who had an agenda to make my writing partner your pet ghostie at whatever cost and who along with their enablers attacked my abilities to the point where I doubted myself so that I couldn't even contact my late father after he departed this Earth--which is something that I very much would have benefited from--thanks a fuck of a lot. Both for that and killing my writing abilities for all this time due to doubts. 

Hope you are really proud of yourselves. I wish that karma were instant, but although karma may not get you right away it will get you someday. Then you will know just how it feels to be crapped on the way you crapped on me, who stupidly facilitated you because I so doubted myself. Well, those days are gone. I am a little less trusting but a lot more willing to stand up for myself. And by the way--he is still not and never will be your pet. There is a huge difference between charity and communion. Just so you know.
Also, just because my particular abilities are not identical to another psychic's does not mean that I don't have abilities. I am an empath. I still am, and I am still a writer, no matter how much it may have meant to some of you to try to kill those abilities in me.
Okay--rant done, perhaps.

Don't Really Know

I don't really know what I'm doing right now. I only know that I'm really hurting and nobody seems to care at all. If I didn't have someone that was depending on me--a lot--I would finish it. Because on a personal level I have nothing left.

A more rational approach

I have come to the conclusion that while my approach in sharing my conversations with the spirit of a somewhat well known person was naive, my reasons for doing so were positive if ill advised. I was and remain disgusted by the extreme expressions of thought regarding this fragile, mentally ill young man. People tend to either lionize or demonize him. He was neither heroic nor evil. He was a  troubled person who struggled with debilitating psychological problems, and those problems eventually won out. He was in desperate need of help and support. He received neither. 

My wish was that by illustrating this tragic figure through what I hoped was an interesting story, I could shed light on the important issues of proper treatment for psychiatric illness and on seeing those living with these conditions as people, not freaks.

I did not look ahead enough to anticipate that the majority of what I would attract were not individuals who felt genuine concern or sympathy for this unfortunate individual. Instead, the bulk of respondents were what I would term "fan girls." These young ladies were more interested in organs located much lower on the young gentleman's body than his brain. The fact that he was no longer in any condition to service their desires seemed to be inconsequential. The most dismaying aspect of this was the fact that I (and I am not alone in this) perceived the subject as having the emotional state of a child even though he was physically an adult. Thus, the fact that these young ladies saw him as merely a sexual object was particularly distressing.

While these people were not direct attackers, I found them parasitic.

The second category of negative respondents were those who were angry with me for portraying their EVIL HERO as human and not in fact evil. There were far less of these than there were of the fan girls, and the majority of them were male.

The third category of negative respondents were those who disliked said fellow and wanted to take me to the task for speaking in his defense. If I recall correctly, all members of this category were male.

Having to deal with my own ration of psychological shit, I realized that I was not capable of taking on such a project and standing my ground. It has been very draining for me and I am by far the worse for wear for having done it.

I do not entirely regret my decision. I look back and feel that my motives were laudable, but my approach was folly. 

I will not apologize for my claim that I had contact with the spirit of this person. But nor will I discuss it further.

Thank you to those who supported the true spirit of the project. I apologize for letting you down.

WARNING

I know that this is a dead blog but I want to leave this as my final warning.

DO NOT EVER LET ANY SPIRIT AS MUCH INTO YOUR LIFE AS I ALLOWED THE ONE I WROTE THE BOOK WITH. YOU WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE! IT IS NOT WORTH IT! IN THE END THE THINGS THAT YOU OPEN YOURSELF UP TO WILL DESTROY YOU!

This spirit is earthbound because he is still very disturbed. DO NOT CONTACT HIM! He seems nice and appreciative at first but he will not remain so. Earthbound spirits are troubled people. Leave them to the higher spirits. You will end up feeling empty and broken if you allow these psychic vampires into your life. 

I was foolish and naive to ever even consider such a project or such a partnership in the first place. I am not sure that I will ever be able to heal from the damage that was done.

Lily

Dead Blog

This is a dead blog and the project involved with it is in transition. The book featured is no longer available. The project was given to Rose LeMort for revision. Please click the link to find out more.
This project was very destructive to me in the end. Please, if you find yourself in contact with the spirit of a famous or semi-famous person, do yourself a favor and DO NOT MAKE THIS PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE!!!! It will only hurt you in the end. Mediums tend to be extremely sensitive people both emotionally and psychically. You need to protect yourself from the cruelty of others.
I am no longer accepting comments. This blog will remain for reference purposes only.
Sincerely,
Lily Strange