Regarding Borderline Personality Disorder

Here is an article about borderline personality disorder which may help some of you understand why I am the way I am.

Nobody understands that for me its torture every day of my life not to be earning my keep in some sort of creative fashion. However at least my job allows enough "down time" that I can write while I'm at work most of the time. My mother, for instance, scoffs at this and believes that it's okay to confine one's creativity to a hobby. She doesn't understand my "obsession."

 I am not saying that this is an explanation for any of the spiritual stuff which happened to me. I am simply saying that I took on far too tough an assignment, so to speak, for someone with my fragile psyche. 

I believe that the spirit person with whom I feel I had contact also suffered from this disorder among other issues. I still feel a companionable sympathy for him, but I am not willing to discuss my experience in dealing with him any more. I am only now beginning to recover from the verbal and psychic assaults that I endured because of this revelation. I do not regret meeting him and I no longer regret writing the book, although it will never again be made available by me. I do, however, regret making myself as vulnerable as I did. I may one day open my blog to comments again, but that time is not now.

As well, the people who pushed me so much that I stopped writing didn't "get" what they were doing to me. If one is very sensitive, it may not make sense, but if you keep pushing at them you destroy who they are. So for those who did this to me (I don't think I still have any of those frenemies on my roster) thanks a lot. Every time one has to deal with such people it makes it a little harder to trust.

I'm done ranting about this at length, but for those people who had an agenda to make my writing partner your pet ghostie at whatever cost and who along with their enablers attacked my abilities to the point where I doubted myself so that I couldn't even contact my late father after he departed this Earth--which is something that I very much would have benefited from--thanks a fuck of a lot. Both for that and killing my writing abilities for all this time due to doubts. 

Hope you are really proud of yourselves. I wish that karma were instant, but although karma may not get you right away it will get you someday. Then you will know just how it feels to be crapped on the way you crapped on me, who stupidly facilitated you because I so doubted myself. Well, those days are gone. I am a little less trusting but a lot more willing to stand up for myself. And by the way--he is still not and never will be your pet. There is a huge difference between charity and communion. Just so you know.
Also, just because my particular abilities are not identical to another psychic's does not mean that I don't have abilities. I am an empath. I still am, and I am still a writer, no matter how much it may have meant to some of you to try to kill those abilities in me.
Okay--rant done, perhaps.