Hi Tom,
Great article. Little techno-glitch to inform you about real quick. Remove the @ symbol from your twitter link. You have http://www.twitter.com/@tmatlack but that just goes to Twitter's error page. Put it as twitter.com/tmatlack, and your fans will get to your twitter page!
I'm a self published author and am tremendously dismayed at how much POD publishing costs have gone up. In order to sell my forthcoming book at a similar price as my first book, I have to cut the number of pages IN HALF! I really feel like I'm cheating my small but very much appreciated audience.
The book industry really is in deep doo doo. I'd sure hate to see the day come when we have to read everything by scrolling it on a screen. Aside from textbooks and technical manuals, I want a BOOK in my hand! Poe, Lovecraft, King, Bierce...my favorite authors deserve to have their works read from a book. Yeah, I'm old school. But that's how I feel about it! I love computers for certain things and the word processor has saved what little sanity I have. I do not love reading for relaxation off a computer screen. It just ain't relaxing!
Thanks for giving me the chance to rant. I am now following you! :-)
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Book Publishing: Death or Rebirth?
Friday, May 29, 2009
LBTS Moves On
If you've been hip to what I've tried to accomplish here
If you are an open-minded sort who is capable of engaging in polite exchange even when disagreeing with someone
If you want to be a part of something truly unique
Then click the banner below and join the Strange crew.
Because from now on, all things relating to the book and my mission will be found there.
If you were part of things here, thank you. I hope you will continue to be a part of it at my very own bizarre little home.
If you are an open-minded sort who is capable of engaging in polite exchange even when disagreeing with someone
If you want to be a part of something truly unique
Then click the banner below and join the Strange crew.
Because from now on, all things relating to the book and my mission will be found there.
If you were part of things here, thank you. I hope you will continue to be a part of it at my very own bizarre little home.
Visit New Strange World
Got a Body Like This?
If you use Facebook, you've seen this photo in the sidebar with the headline "Got a body like this?"
Well, as a matter of fact, I DO!!!!!
But I have more sense than to try and cram it into a pair of fucking low rise jeans two sizes too small and to wear a too-short t-shirt.
And I'm not going to buy your goddamn product either.
If people are shallow enough to judge me based on what I look like, fuck if I need 'em in my life.
But I have more sense than to try and cram it into a pair of fucking low rise jeans two sizes too small and to wear a too-short t-shirt.
And I'm not going to buy your goddamn product either.
If people are shallow enough to judge me based on what I look like, fuck if I need 'em in my life.
Whatever size I am, I'm still going to be the same curmudgeony bitch on the inside. So if you didn't love me fat, you ain't gonna love me thin. Those who judge based on body type can kiss my fat ass.
The Sea Witches Blog
Fellow pagans and open-minded folk, please visit and support Wendy, the Sea Witch of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Wendy does a lot of good things for homeless animals. She has also endured a lot of prejudice, not only as someone with alternative beliefs but as someone who lives with Aspberger's Syndrome. Whether your support takes the form of a positive comment or purchasing some of her artwork to support the feeding and care of homeless animals, it will be greatly appreciated.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Miracles out of Nowhere for the Loneliest Ones?
Do you believe in omens? I used to very strongly. Then I became a lot more skeptical. But this seemed to be a bit of a sledge hammer upside the head. If you all prefer to believe that I'm reading into it what I want to see and that there isn't even an inkling of anything divine to it, then fine, you are absolutely right. I do not have it in me to argue with people.
I was watching a rerun of that sappy old 1980's show, Beauty and the Beast. And lo and behold, it was the Vincent's "It's A Wonderful Life" episode, where a despairing Vincent is shown what his life would be like if Father had not saved him and thus he would not have had an influence on his fellow outcasts. I decided that it was just coincidence that this had come on and furthermore, I was quite strongly feeling that I have had no positive influence on anybody and I will never make any difference.
The next program was an episode of the 1980's Twilight Zone. (Are you wondering yet why I was sitting in the Way-Back Machine with only my own gloomy-ass self for company?) What difference would this make? Well, of all the episodes, it happened to be "A Saucer of Loneliness," which was a story written by the late, great Theodore Sturgeon (1915-1985) about a lonely , plain-looking waitress who is contacted by a UFO, which gives her a message that is something personal to her. She is harassed by the public, yet refuses to reveal what was said. To alleviate some of her stress, she writes messages that she places in bottles and throws them into the ocean. When a handsome man asks her for a date and it turns out that all he wanted was to charm her into telling him what the message from the saucer was, she becomes despondent and runs to the ocean to drown herself. She is pulled from the ocean by a balding, ordinary-looking, but sincere man who tells her that he found one of her messages in the bottle, which begins with "To the Loneliest One" and continues thus:
There is in certain living souls
A quality of loneliness unspeakable,
So great it must be shared
As company is shared by lesser beings.
Such a loneliness is mine; so know by this
That in immensity
There is one lonelier than you.
("A Saucer of Loneliness")
He tells her that it really made a difference to him. She senses his sincerity and shares with him the gift from the saucer, and they leave together.
The message at the end of the episode is this:
"Message found in a bottle, sender unknown. Still alive or long dead. The last of his species or a traveler marooned on alien shores. Perhaps in the end, all that matters is this: that even to loneliness, there is an end. And for those who are lonely enough, long enough, a message cast adrift on the darkest beaches...of the Twilight Zone."
And like a fucking idiot I started crying, and I was mad as hell at the Universe, because I don't like my face to be wet unless I'm washing it or I'm walking in the rain. I don't like dogs licking my face (I like dogs well enough, I just don't like for them to lick my face) because then my face is wet with dog slobber. To me, tears are the dog slobber of the universe. Yuck! And I don't like to cry. And I was also mad at myself for seeing signs in all of this when in many ways I have given up on the idea of magic and miracles. But the thought was nonetheless there: What if I am the one who might have a special message for someone who really needs it. Is this not why the book was published? To give hope to those who might be considering giving up. To let the loneliest ones, the rejects, the castoffs, know that they are not alone, that they have kindred spirits. To let them know that kindness and respect are not due only to those who are considered beautiful and in some way brilliant.
Fuck me...
If this is what the Universe wants from me, it isn't the sort of mission that I can refuse. But sometimes I wonder
Does it always have to be so fucking difficult?
(Thanks to Eric Weeks for providing the Saucer of Loneliness quote on this page.)
Yes, I like the band Kansas, and I'm too old and too much of an asshole to apologize to anybody that has a problem with that.
Lily's Had It Up To Here
Lily is done. Finished. Kaput. Calling it quits.
This project is a fucking failure. I sold about 30 books. I get $2.50 in royalties from each book. Half the royalties go to the World Federation for Mental Health. A good fucking cause, in business since 1948. But all is hopeless. I will not continue.
If there is one cause that people on this planet do not care about, it is mental health. It is easier and more "fun" to laugh at the "crazy people" than to develop understanding for what they are going through.
Most mentally ill people are not in fact violent, as is a common belief. Most of us tend to turn our anger inward on ourselves. Most of us would not knowingly harm another person. And if we do so with angry words (as I have sometimes done) we deeply regret it and tend to harm ourselves further in retaliation.
Perhaps it was completely fucking stupid and naive of me to openly air my belief that I have engaged in a posthumous collaboration with the spirit who helped me write the book. He in fact advised me to keep this a secret. But I didn't feel right about taking credit for his portion of the work. I have always believed in giving credit where credit is due, and believe me, he has not gotten enough credit for his positive qualities. In life, he was in constant pain, spiritually, mentally, and according to him, physically. In death, he was dehumanized and exploited. And sadly, this will continue to happen, because I don't have it in me to continue the fight. I failed to make the difference I wanted to make. A $20 contribution overall to the WFMH is not enough to make a damn bit of difference. I have managed to do nothing.
I will continue to create the next book because I want to. But I am not making it available to the public. I've had enough.
I'm sorry I failed you, my friend. And I do think of you as my friend. Maybe that's just stupid. But I do.
I'm also tired of dealing with people who think that I can somehow get them in good with my co-author. I can't. Let me explain something. He wouldn't be dealing with me either if I weren't able to offer him a skill so he could atone for certain of his actions in life, most specifically, the action he took at the end of his life. I am the polar opposite of charming and likeable. I am a grouchy old bat that is snarky and sarcastic as hell, whether I'm in a good mood or a bad one. I do not get close to people. I do not trust people. For the most part, I do not even like people. So I can hardly see where he would be hanging around with me because of my delightful personality. The majority of the time he is not in fact in close proximity to me. The conversations tend to be more like a psychic phone call. Goes a little bit something like this:
"Can you hear me now, you snarky, ill-tempered old curmudgeony bitch?"
"Yeah, I can hear you, you snot-nosed, ill-mannered, curmudgeony bastard. Let's do this thing."
Well, not exactly like that. But we do tend to take pot shots at each other. It's just how assholes like us show love, I guess.
At any rate, what I must tell you is that earthbound spirits appreciate good will and will show their gratitude in various small ways. But they are NOT going to become attached to anyone to whom they were not attached in life. They are usually trying to atone to the people with whom they had attachments while they were living. It takes an expenditure of energy for them to communicate with the living. Someone like me is a natural conduit, so it takes some of the stress off of them. Being in contact with someone they knew in life, particularly in a setting they were familiar with, also requires less effort. To communicate with a person they didn't know is quite difficult and they will generally only do it if they really deem it necessary. Otherwise, expect a light touch on the shoulders or such. That's gonna be as good as it gets.
This is the last time that I will impart a message from him in the foreseeable future. He would like to remind everyone that "I may look like an angel, but I'm the devil in disguise."
He enjoys word play, so let me explain this. He does not mean that he thinks he's particularly good looking. In fact he thinks the opposite and describes himself as "looking like a scarecrow--why the fuck is anybody looking for romance with a scarecrow? They are fucking crazier than I ever was!" And he does not mean that he is sacrificing puppies and kittens or drinking people's blood or literally in hell worshiping Satan, or that he has become a demon. What he literally means is that he was mentally ill and while he's done a fair bit of healing, he is still mentally ill. He is not capable of making strong connections with people that he didn't already have a strong connection with. He is very conflicted and is not willing or able to drag someone else into "the sewer which was my mind." He also reminds people to "look below the surface" and not to base your beliefs and actions solely on what you can see. True beauty does not lie in physical perfection and if you look only at the surface, you will miss the truth that lies beneath. That in great part was the message of our book.
To those that purchased copies of the book, thank you again for your support. There were, unfortunately, not enough of you to justify thousands of dollars in expenditure to publish a second one. Please donate to the World Federation For Mental Health. And please, where you see that damn suicide picture, call the person displaying it on their callous actions, should you be feeling strong enough. It probably won't do a damn bit of good. But I guess at least you'll know you did something.
Farewell.
And likely, no great loss.
Lily
If there is one cause that people on this planet do not care about, it is mental health. It is easier and more "fun" to laugh at the "crazy people" than to develop understanding for what they are going through.
Most mentally ill people are not in fact violent, as is a common belief. Most of us tend to turn our anger inward on ourselves. Most of us would not knowingly harm another person. And if we do so with angry words (as I have sometimes done) we deeply regret it and tend to harm ourselves further in retaliation.
Perhaps it was completely fucking stupid and naive of me to openly air my belief that I have engaged in a posthumous collaboration with the spirit who helped me write the book. He in fact advised me to keep this a secret. But I didn't feel right about taking credit for his portion of the work. I have always believed in giving credit where credit is due, and believe me, he has not gotten enough credit for his positive qualities. In life, he was in constant pain, spiritually, mentally, and according to him, physically. In death, he was dehumanized and exploited. And sadly, this will continue to happen, because I don't have it in me to continue the fight. I failed to make the difference I wanted to make. A $20 contribution overall to the WFMH is not enough to make a damn bit of difference. I have managed to do nothing.
I will continue to create the next book because I want to. But I am not making it available to the public. I've had enough.
I'm sorry I failed you, my friend. And I do think of you as my friend. Maybe that's just stupid. But I do.
I'm also tired of dealing with people who think that I can somehow get them in good with my co-author. I can't. Let me explain something. He wouldn't be dealing with me either if I weren't able to offer him a skill so he could atone for certain of his actions in life, most specifically, the action he took at the end of his life. I am the polar opposite of charming and likeable. I am a grouchy old bat that is snarky and sarcastic as hell, whether I'm in a good mood or a bad one. I do not get close to people. I do not trust people. For the most part, I do not even like people. So I can hardly see where he would be hanging around with me because of my delightful personality. The majority of the time he is not in fact in close proximity to me. The conversations tend to be more like a psychic phone call. Goes a little bit something like this:
"Can you hear me now, you snarky, ill-tempered old curmudgeony bitch?"
"Yeah, I can hear you, you snot-nosed, ill-mannered, curmudgeony bastard. Let's do this thing."
Well, not exactly like that. But we do tend to take pot shots at each other. It's just how assholes like us show love, I guess.
At any rate, what I must tell you is that earthbound spirits appreciate good will and will show their gratitude in various small ways. But they are NOT going to become attached to anyone to whom they were not attached in life. They are usually trying to atone to the people with whom they had attachments while they were living. It takes an expenditure of energy for them to communicate with the living. Someone like me is a natural conduit, so it takes some of the stress off of them. Being in contact with someone they knew in life, particularly in a setting they were familiar with, also requires less effort. To communicate with a person they didn't know is quite difficult and they will generally only do it if they really deem it necessary. Otherwise, expect a light touch on the shoulders or such. That's gonna be as good as it gets.
This is the last time that I will impart a message from him in the foreseeable future. He would like to remind everyone that "I may look like an angel, but I'm the devil in disguise."
He enjoys word play, so let me explain this. He does not mean that he thinks he's particularly good looking. In fact he thinks the opposite and describes himself as "looking like a scarecrow--why the fuck is anybody looking for romance with a scarecrow? They are fucking crazier than I ever was!" And he does not mean that he is sacrificing puppies and kittens or drinking people's blood or literally in hell worshiping Satan, or that he has become a demon. What he literally means is that he was mentally ill and while he's done a fair bit of healing, he is still mentally ill. He is not capable of making strong connections with people that he didn't already have a strong connection with. He is very conflicted and is not willing or able to drag someone else into "the sewer which was my mind." He also reminds people to "look below the surface" and not to base your beliefs and actions solely on what you can see. True beauty does not lie in physical perfection and if you look only at the surface, you will miss the truth that lies beneath. That in great part was the message of our book.
To those that purchased copies of the book, thank you again for your support. There were, unfortunately, not enough of you to justify thousands of dollars in expenditure to publish a second one. Please donate to the World Federation For Mental Health. And please, where you see that damn suicide picture, call the person displaying it on their callous actions, should you be feeling strong enough. It probably won't do a damn bit of good. But I guess at least you'll know you did something.
Farewell.
And likely, no great loss.
Lily
Monday, May 25, 2009
To Book Sign or Not to Book Sign
I believe it was Jodi Picoult who once said that while book signings benefit certain authors, there are other authors who it actually hurts. I believe I would fall into the second category. I'm extremely shy by nature (which is the reason I used to get seriously smashed at any kind of social event) and my voice has a tendency to shake when I get too nervous. Also, I'm not much to look at, so I don't like having my picture taken.
Sometime this summer I'm signed up to do a "blog tour." Even that makes me kind of nervous. I've been so tired for such a long time and under so much stress that I don't know if I can muster what it takes to sound excited about my project. I hope I can pull it from somewhere. There's nothing like having people say "well, she doesn't sound very intense about what she's doing, why should we be?"
Sometime this summer I'm signed up to do a "blog tour." Even that makes me kind of nervous. I've been so tired for such a long time and under so much stress that I don't know if I can muster what it takes to sound excited about my project. I hope I can pull it from somewhere. There's nothing like having people say "well, she doesn't sound very intense about what she's doing, why should we be?"
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