There have been so many fucked up searches leading to this blog that I just have to do this. Ladies and gentlemen, or whatever you really are, we now take a detour from our story to present the LAST TEN SEARCHES TO MY BLOG!!!! Oh glory, oh fun! Something to make fun of--and believe me, I've gotta! Some of them made me chuckle but one really grossed me out! You'll know it when you see it.
1. Someone was searching for BARRY DILLARD. My character probably wasn't the Barry Dillard they were looking for. But my Barry Dillard is so much cooler than theirs! Only kidding, I'm sure their Barry Dillard is cool too. You will find my Barry Dillard in this post.
Barry is best described as a "boxy little bloke." He was born in London, in the fictional borough of Crouch End. He is 55 years old at the time of this writing. He is the lead singer for the very popular fictional band Metal Mass. Although small in stature, Barry can definitely take care of himself and has on many an occasion. But even he was not prepared for the evil that he encountered in the vile Jarius Viscu.
2. Some disgusting perv was searching for "Auntie and Nephew Stories." I am happy to disappoint them. You won't find that kind of shit here, Senor or Senora Perverto! I will make it plain that "Aunt Greta" does not have that kind of nasty relationship with her surrogate nephew, and it wouldn't even technically be incest if she did because they aren't blood relations. But emotional incest is nasty too. We run a clean ship here, dammit! Take your incestuous lusts elsewhere--hopefully to a shrink. Pronto!
3. Our next visitor was searching for "Stop! You're giving me the heebie jeebies!"
Awww...thanks! We aim to please!
4. And now I get to give some construction advice. This individual was wondering "what direction does a satanic temple face?"
Well, let me tell you what. South is always down on a map. So a Satanic Temple should face south. But just to make sure you've got it right, once you've built it, you need to stand in front of it, drop trou, bend over and grab your ankles. If Satan buggers you, you know you've got it right. If not, you're probably fucked anyway, because that's just how Satan rolls. And you shouldn't have been mooning him, you silly git. Either way, I don't really care. Just make sure you have the proper permits before you start building.
5. This person was wondering about a "sexy dress to masterbait in." Well, I'm not sure that Azrael Abaddon ever wore a dress while he was masterbaiting. And I really don't want to know. But he was upset with Terry Schonefeld because she hadn't told the sick lust of her fantasy in order to inspire him to masterbait. The rest of his spelling in his critique of her writing was equally cringe-worthy, and Terry's aunt Pam speculated that perhaps the mercifully belated Azrael was drowned by a group of vigilante English teachers determined to prevent his atrocious spelling and literary handicaps from spreading.
6. This person wanted to know how tall Pelle Ohlin was. It's strange that they were brought here because I don't believe I've ever mentioned that factoid. I hazard a guess that he was approximately 6'4" tall. Thanks for playing!
7. This person was simply searching for Per "Pelle" Ohlin. He's mentioned in this chapter. His height, however, remains under speculation.
8. Oh for...there are more pervs looking for stories about aunts and nephews doing the nasty! Like I told you in Entry #2, we don't have any of that kind of shit here! Now bugger off.
9. This person was looking for LISA NASIR. I don't suppose that our Lisa Nasir was the one they were looking for.
My Lisa Nasir is protagonist Terry Bruckham's (aka Schoenfield, or Schonefeld if you are Azrael Abaddon) cousin. She stands up for Terry against the attack of critic and wannabe romance novelist Megan Lucas. You can read Lisa's chapter here.
10. This person was looking for "poems beneath the surface." The only poem featured so far can be found right here. It's called "The One Who Waits Beneath The Surface." Hope ya like it! *shameless self-promotion* And if you do, hell, why not buy the book? The e-book's only five bucks, Kiddies! If you like spooky stuff, you may just really dig this. But if you're looking for aunt and nephew incest please, for the love of all that's holy and otherwise, go the hell away!
Thanks for playing! Come back later this week for another exciting chapter, which will also not contain aunt-nephew incest. Have a good one!
Lily and the Ghost
2 comments:
Doesn't it make you crazy some of the wierd stuff that can come up on those searches to your blog.
And the pervs, I wish the police were interested in that info, I'd be glad to turn them in. You'd be surprised how many of them I get on my horse blog. Very very sick!
I've been fortunate with my animal blog that no pervs have come looking for it, but maybe that's because I mostly feature cats. Not too many people fantasize about cats, I don't think...I hope not!
I used to have a boyfriend that got some sort of gross kick finding pictures of women having sex with animals. That I didn't break up with him right then and there says a lot about where my self esteem was at during that time of my life.
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