Saturday, February 28, 2009

Section 1: Just Below the Surface

http://www.lilystrange.com/

Giving you another chapter from Section 1 of my book today. Why? Because I like you or something.



Just Below The Surface

July 13, 2009

Balthor, Ontario

Aldon Quay shuddered as he read the beautiful, eerie poem sent to him by his longtime friend and fellow author, Terry Bruckham. Terry was like a daughter to Aldon, and “Beneath the Surface” seemed an apt title for her as well as her latest creation. There was always something unspoken beneath the facade that Terry presented for the world. Aldon had known Terry since the time that she, at age 14, had written the then thirty-year-old author a letter praising his debut novel, Nightshade. He was impressed with his young fan’s intelligence and genteel yet forthcoming manner, and the pair had forged a friendship that had lasted a lifetime. Terry and Aldon both were now well-known novelists and, in 2007, they finally released their first collaboration to the delight of their readers, who thought that it was many years overdue.

Terry had always been prone to melancholy and had suffered several debilitating traumas over the years. Aldon hoped that things had settled down and that his friend could at last be happy and at peace. Aldon thought about Terry’s engagement to his second cousin, Elvin Barris. Both Elvin and Terry had previously endured long, unhappy marriages. It was good, Aldon thought, that two of his favorite people seemed to be making one another happy. But obviously, not everything was what it seemed.

In the email that the poem was attached to, Terry said she had an idea for a story. It would be a gothic romance interspersed with poetry accentuating the protagonist’s dark emotions. Terry thought that this poem should be the starting point. It certainly would work well in such a tale, Aldon agreed. It wasn’t the dark atmosphere of the poem that concerned him. He too usually wrote dark subject matter, though he was actually a reasonably happy fellow. A big bear of a man with dark red-brown hair liberally frosted with gray, Aldon sported a full beard and tended to favor checkered flannel shirts and jeans. He looked like a member of the logging crews that worked up the road from his farm and was far more jovial in manner than would seem to befit a famous horror novelist. But it wasn’t Aldon’s waking self who was inspired by sepulchral visions of rotting creatures who refused to die or malevolent spirits who destroyed the lives of those who accidentally invaded their territory. Rather, the visions came to the self who journeyed behind the walls of sleep and communed with the Gods and Goddesses and benevolent spirits who roamed the Elysian Fields and the gardens of Celephais and who gathered in Thoth’s library and Freya’s palace for grand festivals and intellectual discussions. For, in order to partake in such blessed events, one must also be prepared to defend against those who would bring ruin in a desire to subjugate all beings to their whim. Aldon’s gifts allowed him to see things that ordinary people could not perceive. And, he realized, most people would think him mad if he presented such things as real. Terry had inherited the same gifts. Like Howard Phillips Lovecraft and Ambrose Bierce before them, Aldon Quay and Terry Bruckham hid their real otherworldly adventures in the guise of fictional works.

“The truth is there for those aware” was a catch-phrase popularized in a series of light-hearted novels about a trio of reluctant Scandinavian monster-hunters, thinly disguised versions of three of Aldon’s real-life friends who also knew that not everything real was visible to the physical eye.

“’T’ain’t logical, McGee,” Aldon said quietly, exaggerating his slight Irish brogue. “But methinks perhaps logic be overrated.”

“Ah hell, Terry,” he sighed, switching the telephone nervously from hand to hand as he contemplated calling his friend. “How can I address my concerns about this to you without seeming callous about your feelings? Please, Angela Mia, don’t let this pain rip you apart. Heaven help me, what do I say to her?”

“Aldon?” his sister-in-law’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“What is it, Hannah?” Aldon asked.

“Aldy, I’m so sorry to interrupt you,” she said. “But something awful is happening to my sheep. All of the lambs have fallen ill. It may be anthrax. Dr. Kippersoff and Will Wyzynski are quarantining them from the other animals. They want to test all my livestock and it could take them awhile. I know it’s been years since you took those veterinary courses, but I wonder if you could come help. They really have their hands full.”

“Sure, Hannah, I’ll be right there,” Aldon said, putting the phone back in its cradle. He scribbled himself a note which he understood completely but which anyone else might find cryptic and eerie:

Call Terry re: poem.

Have the dark dreams returned?

Aldon followed Hannah up the stairs, his worries about his friend temporarily pushed below the surface of this current concern.

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Talk about an odd auction

Asian Beauty Lily’s  Two Horror Books starting bid $3,000,000.00 dollars?



WHAT?  Is this for real?  Apparently it is and both auctions will end on May 30th.  The winning bidders will secure the rights to the books.    It seems like a scam but apparently she is trying to sell off details from her relationships with 2 well [...] <a href='http://cli.gs/vQ5G2a'>http://cli.gs/vQ5G2a</a>

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blue star, green comet

utterli-image

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Lost

Wishing I'd get a happy surprise of some sort. Plodding and muddling through one mess after another makes one very weary.

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Friday, February 27, 2009

Lost

I fear I may have to put working on the new book on hiatus for a month while finishing this semester. I am feeling like death warmed over.

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Poem: Lost Beneath the Surface

This is the lead-in poem for Section 1 in my published novel. It is ostensibly written by my protagonist.

http://www.lilystrange.com/



The One Who Waits Beneath the Surface



I hate the moon—I am afraid of it—for when it shines on certain scenes familiar and loved it sometimes makes them unfamiliar and hideous.

H.P. Lovecraft

“What the Moon Brings”



Beneath the Surface

Forgotten over the years

Pushed to the back of minds weighed down with mundane concerns

He waits in solitude for the day

When someone may remember, and keep him company



A chill wind blows from the north

Reminding one who lives along the shore

Of someone she held dear in time long past

Yet the thought is more a whisper than a shout



He feels the pain of being a promise broken

Yet still he abides behind the veil

A soul immortal cannot die

But can be buried by the wretchedness of anguish borne alone



He looks down upon the sea below his vantage point

And longs to be free of his boundless solitude

He extends his arms, and falling forward from the height, joins the sea birds in their flight

Twisting, wheeling, unafraid



The soul immortal cannot die

He touches surf and is drawn beneath the waves

The sun reflects off the surface of the water,

Revealing a dark, familiar shape below



Along another shore in a world far away

A woman feels a pang within her breast

She is weary and wishes she could sleep forever

And walk the shores of an eternal dream



Something lies beneath the surface of her memories

A treasure that she lost long ago

Someone who understood the unflagging sorrow

A breath inhaled and exhaled, lost forever



She will reach beyond the veil this night

And take the hand of the one who waits

Forgotten to the conscious mind that buries dreams beneath stacks of unpaid bills

Burdened by joys thrust aside in favor of unending toil



Some things cannot be explained away by logic

Tested away by science, prayed away by dogmatic religion

She has labored long and hard for futile gain

Happiness has waited long enough



Tonight she shall sail away to join the one who waits beneath the waves

To dwell on shadowed shores where the blinding light of the orthodoxy never reaches

She is weary of a world wherein to survive she must forget what she holds most dear

Tonight is her last night among the striving masses



Tonight at last he rises from the sea

To dwell forever in the shadows of a land

Created by the dark dreams of souls misunderstood

Never again shall he abide alone

For at last he has someone to dream with



Teresa Kathleen Bruckham

July 12, 2009

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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Eight Things You Never Asked But I'm Gonna Tell You Anyway

There's an "eight things" meme that makes the rounds now and then. Here's mine, with a bit of a different twist.

1. I do not claim to have a monopoly on knowledge about the spirit world, religion, or anything else. I do claim that I BELIEVE my experiences to be true. I believe that I have conversed with the spirit that (I believe) co-authored my book as well as a few other spirits. I believe that his (and everyone else's) personality survives physical death. To paraquote Stephen King, it just doesn't seem very likely that creatures filled with such intricate thoughts and emotions as ourselves could simply wink out of existence. But, as The King of Horror also says, maybe I just don't want to believe that they would. In any case, I do believe that this person deserved better than he got in life. I believe that he deserves to be thought of as something other than "that crazy fucker that blew his brains out." After I had conversed with him the first few times I was so moved that I made a promise to him to help make this so, using words from the Tara prayer.
"I offer the best that I have to give, both real and imagined, to fill the space between us."
This means a few things. For one thing, both of us have very active imaginations. Sadly mine has been a little dulled by the use of Lithium during the past six years, but I do not want to ever again be irritable enough to punch holes in walls or yell at people unless they really give me powerful reason to.
It also means that while I do receive thoughts and feelings from my spectral partner in crime, sometimes I have to fill in the blanks. Communicating between the world of the living and the spirit world can be tricky and sometimes one encounters a fair bit of "static" before being able to clarify. I think he would find a way of letting me know if I was ever completely off base about something. Most of the time what I receive from him is not verbatim, it's more of a "big picture" thought. I liken it to the stage of a painting where one is outlining basic shapes. You fill in the details later.
What often happens is that I will "know" something without knowing how I know it and sometimes even years later I will find out that it was true. I try not to let this drive me crazier.

2. I will never argue about whether or not what I have experienced is real. Believe it. Don't believe it. Believe that I'm straight up nuts. That part is up to you, and I honestly don't care one way or the other. I don't like to argue. I honestly don't care for confrontation. I'm not here to prove whether I'm right or wrong about anything. I am, however, trying to show the world a different side of a person who I feel got screwed. There are certain things that he's tried to tell me that I'm not quite clear on. There are others that he's asked me to keep in confidence at least for the time being. The other thing that both of us want to do is to insure that there is good mental health care for all people and that some of the stigmas surrounding mental illness are eradicated for future generations. He specifically would also like to help other people who are suicidal see that it isn't the way to go. These are the things that we believe are important. The rest is academic.

3. I really, really, really do not want to EVER argue religion with anybody. Generally speaking, I despise organized religion. Every religion thinks they have a monopoly on the truth and on salvation, and nobody actually does. The only real truth is that NOBODY KNOWS WHAT REALLY HAPPENS. So couldn't we just try and fucking treat each other decently while we're here?

4. What the hell is wrong with you fucktards that display that fucking picture of my spectral friend's self-inflicted demise? To say it plain, are you fucking stupid or what? He didn't do it to be "cool," he did it because he was fucking miserable! It isn't a scene from a movie or a video game, you morons. It isn't cool. Somebody actually fucking died, mmmmkay? The person who took the picture was a sociopathic shithead. If you want to follow in his sociopathic shithead footsteps, I guess you can be my guest. But to me its tantamount to psychic rape 'cause the subject of the photo was unable to defend himself. The only people that should have such a photo are the forensic team that examined the scene. Right. That leads me to my next rant.

5. So like the biggest idiot that ever existed, I stupidly ignored my instincts and went off to see if there was a fan page for said spectral friend on Facebook. Lo and behold, there is. And lo and behold, just like my Spidey Sense told me, there was That Picture. Now, let me tell y'all a little something. Facebook deleted one of my comments because I dropped an F-bomb. I wasn't attacking the person whose page I commented on. I wasn't even saying anything directly offensive. I just peppered my comment with one little "fuck." Facebook deleted it and informed me to look at their rules.
Whatever. You can't say fuck, but you can post horrible photographs of dead people. That makes a lot of sense.
If someone had posted a photograph of the same guy wearing nothing but a smile and the breeze, whoever posted said Naked Picture would have had their Facebook account deleted, I guar-on-tee. Because Nudity is bad, mmmmkay? Now I'm not saying that I want to log into Facebook and be innundated with porn pictures or even nude pictures (there IS a difference) but I would far rather accidentally encounter straight-up (or even gay-up) fuck pictures (between consenting adults) than that damn suicide picture! (or any similar picture)
We have our priorities way, way, way screwed up in this society. Now, I do know that gore in movies and video games isn't real. But you can have heads flying this way and that, hearts exploding, people being eviscerated, all sorts of violence in film is just fine and dandy. It will probably get an R rating. However, show a guy's pecker, and the film rating board is up in arms, ready to slap an X rating on the picture. To me, there's something way fucked up about this.

6. Yes, I have a mental illness. No, I do not have hallucinations unless completely sleep deprived or taking drugs. I haven't done recreational drugs in 21 years and I make it a point to avoid the kind of prescription drugs that might cause me to hallucinate.
The form of mental illness that I live with is a mood disorder, not a perception disorder. Very severe bipolar disorder can present with hallucinations and delusions. I have type II, which is one of the milder forms. This is not to say that it isn't disruptive to life if untreated. It has been extremely disruptive at times. However, it does not present with hallucinations or delusions as a feature.

7. As a child I saw animal spirits quite often. I have only seen one human spirit. I have never seen my co-author with my eyes. I "see" him in my mind. I can picture what he's doing, whether he is sitting or standing, how close his proximity is to me, his facial expressions and his general attitude. I "hear" what he's saying to me and I very definitely feel his emotions. I have felt him touch me a few times. He usually touches the top of my head or my back. This is a warm, sometimes tingling feeling. Unless being deliberatly hostile, human spirits do not have a cold touch. The atmosphere does not turn cold around him or anything of that nature. At another time I'll discuss my theories on the difference between spectral visitors and the atmosphere of haunted places.

8. Everything that I have to say about mysticism, religion, or metaphysics is MY OPINION. I do not now nor would I ever be so arrogant as to claim myself to be an expert. And I especially would never claim that I have a monopoly on "THE TRUTH." I'm just a person (really a rather simple person in most regards) who appears to have some degree of "psychic" ability. My position on such things as spirits is that really its all just science. There's no such thing as the "supernatural," only parts of nature that we do not yet have the ability to properly explore.

And there's my eight things that I really want y'all to know.